Creative Leadership: Spirit Doctor Audit

Spirit
Doctor Audit

This will
be a challenge for a spiritual vacuum such as me. I like the Marxist
view point on spirituality; it’s a disguise for the true source
of control and power.

Accept the role of spirit doctor

I have
never accepted this role; in fact I have studiously avoided it. One
of the benefits of being a contractor, hired gun, guru or mercenary
is that I don’t have to give a toss about the company I work
for the petty squabbles that percolate through their organisational
structure on a daily basis. I open revel in the fact that I don’t
need to care, something which permanent staff in the near vicinity to
my outbursts can find a little uncomfortable. I have had only two
incidents where I have ever seen any hint that my behaviour may
actually be motivating someone else and that is with junior staff I
have mentored in the past. I teach them the skills that I have,
often repeating the phrase “when you are as good as I am then
you can fuck off to the contracting market and earn 500 GBP per day
like me”. For some reason they lap it up and really believe it
(it is true after all). This followership usually manifests itself
in a “I really worship you” moment when they have had too
much to drink at the Christmas party. I just tell them to pull
themselves together, resign tomorrow and get out there. There is not
hint of romanticism or the lone ranger image on my part, it’s
pure selfishness that drives me. I’m amazed that they don’t
see it that way so I will have to adjust my teaching style to
emphasise it.

Interpret events for others

I’m
not a big fan of this one either. I interpret things for me and my
purposes, not for other people. Often when people ask me what I
thought of something then they get an answer that they couldn’t
understand because it’s totally out of context and I can’t
be bothered explaining it. They take it at face value, look
confused, give up and go and talk to someone else which suites me
fine. Yes I do interpret events for others and I can remember a
couple of occasions where I have set them down the wrong path because
my view of events was based on what it meant to me, not what actually
happened. I have a habit of reading too much into events, seeing
personal attacks where there are none. Maybe I’m just so
intelligent that people are not capable of understanding the
cognitive leap that I cam too when analysing a seemingly innocuous
set of facts. I should probably just avoid people because they
suck.

Engage in rites and rituals

No, I’m
not interested in this one either. For example, the daily catch up
team meeting we used to have at my last place of work was just an
irritation in the middle of a time when I could have been doing other
things. For example, I could have been reading the news on the BBC
website, my only daily personal ritual. I have an amazing ability to
be given a task and then just get on with doing it. When it’s
done I guarantee it will be completed properly and that it won’t
be escalated to anyone for the duration of the activity. Do not
hassle me at any point during the activity. I have a table on the
whiteboard that displays to anyone who cares what the status of my
task list is, you don’t need to interrupt me. I suppose if I
took a broad view of this then process and procedure are a form of
ritual. If that’s the definition of the word then I am
fountain of procedure, writing documentation that ensures that I can
hand over a task to someone and they will not need their hand held
because it is of such high quality.

Use symbols

Don’t
care. I have 5 pairs of identical black trousers and 5 identical
black short sleeve shirts. The only variation on that theme is that
I do have a large range of black designer shoes that change every day
however that’s really because I don’t want to get smelly
feet. I have no symbols. I make no use of symbols. If anything,
having an obstreperous chap dressed in black wandering around the
office with a mean look is probably the most significant symbol of my
existence in the workplace. Even that will have to change now that I
have an MBA and I’m all grown up. All that being said I do
find symbols fascinating, but that’s because I’m
interested in them. I’m certainly not interested in sharing
that interest with anyone else.

Rely on the media

As you
have read my personal leadership challenge progress report you will
have probably guessed that despite my attempts to use the media the
challenge has failed. The reason that it’s not working is
because it’s me standing on a soap box ranting about the things
that interest me. Obviously no one else in interested in the same
things. Even if they are interested in the same issues, then they
are definitely not responding to my message, positively or
negatively. The problem is really dawning on me now that I am doing
this audit. My style is all about me. I’m not really
interested in what anyone else thinks, I just want to verbalise what
I think in someone else face. I do this because I know that I’m
right and they are just thick. This presents a bit of a problem if I
want to start a popular movement, because people don’t really
like being called thick or being yelled at by crazy people standing
on soap boxes on speaker’s corner. The trouble with yelling
into the void of the internet is that it’s just that, a void.
I would get more of a reaction from people if I went and did this in
the middle of Cuba Mall with a megaphone. People would probably
throw eggs at me but at least they would be reacting instead of just
stumbling through their insignificant lives while the Politian’s
serve themselves. See, there I go again!

Act with a sense of drama

Hurray! I
can do this one. I’m usually loud and I like it when I’m
holding court and monopolising the conversation. It’s still
all about me! There is a theme forming here. I’m also good at
walking out of jobs when I’m right and my values are being
questioned. Maybe it’s just the way I perceive things that
make me think my values are being questioned. To everyone else on
earth it just looks like I’ve stomped off in a huff after being
challenged by someone. Life’s too short to put up with other
peoples sense of drama. I have valuable skills and I can go and use
them somewhere else. It’s a big world out there.

Nurture the cohesion of a common
bond

No, I
don’t do this at all. I like being the voice of reason in the
world gone mad. If the world was perfect I would no longer need to
exist. I do things for me because I’m right. It’s
nothing to do with other people. They should do their own thing
because it’s right for them. End of.